


manha

by pinkworm



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Character of Color, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:35:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27835384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkworm/pseuds/pinkworm
Summary: this is the middle of a story which I'm trying to develop. manha is a girl who was in love with her best friend, and now she is thinking back to the time she confessed.
Kudos: 5





	manha

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading 
> 
> the hindi word for no is mana (you'll need this in the story hehe)

It wasn't that it hurt really badly; it was the fact that it was a constant throbbing - a river flowing through her, the water murky, the path uphill. 

She'd be going about her day, slowly, when all of a sudden a tide would wash over, caused by something inconsequential. She'd be standing on the platform, waiting for the metro, when two girls would pass, holding hands. Suddenly it would seem like the train had passed through her ears, making her conscious of how loud, how unbearable everything was. And just like that, she'd be back in her parents house, rummaging through her drawers for clues and explanations - anything that would explain what went wrong. The lavender walls, the floral curtains, her photographs, they would all reflect back the resounding emptiness her question contained - a song in itself. Nothing, nothing, nothing. 

Then just like every other time, she'd replay the Memory Which Is The Centre of Manha's Universe in her head - the source of the river, the water that it was made of. Over and over again, until the metro seat dissolved underneath her and time collected herself on her lap, something pink, glowing. 

It happened four years ago, but it kept happening in her head all the time; a white noise, a clandestine indulgence. 

She was sitting on her bed and Sasha was standing in front of her, telling her about her cousin- something. Curly hair blue t shirt the warm evening sun hitting her back making it seem like she was emanating the rays from within herself. Of course the sun wanted to live in her. 

Manha looked at her, drank her up because this was Before and she knew it would change forever after what she did next. 

A confession, a prayer, a wish - all rolled into one rolled off her tongue and cracked on the floor. She didn't know something fragile like this could have found a place within her. 

Then came After. 

Manha, Sasha said softly, the h almost silent, reducing her to the Hindi word which meant refusal. Her name on Sasha's lips right now was a foreshadowing of what Sasha was going to say. Manha didn't want to hear it. But she had to bear it. 

An explanation, an excuse, a little anger. But not the slightest tinge of acceptance of her love. She did not care to ask Sasha if she harboured the same feelings, chained up in some hidden corner of her. Did she too have a place where fragile things could bloom? 

Manha listened to her say things which meant nothing, the bed under her dissolving, something heavy, a dead animal forming a shape on her lap. 

As Sasha walked out of Manha's room, she left an imprint on Manha. A token, a reaffirmation that After had begun. 

The hole which was made in her body after she let her confession out started to leak, a pool of tears perhaps, flowing inwards. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, constructive criticism appreciated, have a good day lovelies <3


End file.
